____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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