Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
