theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
