so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
