just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
