if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
