And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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