I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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