I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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