Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize