the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
