her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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