It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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