Cold hands, warm shart.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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