How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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