Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize