whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My underwear smells like fireworks.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
