Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
