And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
