I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
