ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
