clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
