Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
