What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
