THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What a dumb baby whore.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
