I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
