I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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