I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
