At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize