I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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