Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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