dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize