he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He shit in the fireplace
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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