I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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