yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
