I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
