Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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