plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
