I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
