i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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