I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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