Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
one two three fourrrrnication!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize