why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
