You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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