i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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