i need an iv and a liver transplant
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
