I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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