this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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