Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
