Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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