guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
