Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
