By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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