OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
