yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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