Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
