trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
