I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
