She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
