now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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