What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
