I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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