i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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