For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
