the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize