Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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