I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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