I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
